Six Years Later

And I still cry. This morning as I watched the news & they replayed the events of that day my eyes welled up. There were so many lost that day, so many people in fear and confusion. I was fearful that day. I was 19, going to community college and working part time at Round Table. I remember that day though it still seems like a blur along with the days following. I woke up to the TV left on from the night before and didn't understand what I was seeing. An airplane hitting the World Trade Center? What was going on? I went to the living room to see if my dad & step mom had seen it and they were watching. Then we heard about Flight 93 going down in Pennsylvania and I thought of my friend who was going to school there. I had a dental appointment to get a cracked tooth pulled later and my mom took me. After turning in a paper at school I went to my moms & was glued to the TV the rest of the day, wanting answers but answers they couldn't provide. At the time my step mom was pregnant with my little sister Hannah - we didn't know at the time she would be Hannah, most everyone thought it was another boy. I remember a conversation I had with my step mom, asking her how God could allow something like this to happen. Telling her that I still had too many things I wanted to do in life, that I wasn't ready to die. I was very fearful, having no idea if more attacks were being planned. Living 10 minutes away from a prominent Air Force base didn't help matters & my running wild imagination certainly didn't help. I don't remember her exact words but I remember her telling me that all we could do was trust in God, because the plan is already laid out, he's gone before us.

In the days following I was still watching the news, still wanting answers and crying as I began hearing stories about the people who had lost their lives. The brave passengers & crew of Flight 93 who wouldn't go down without a fight, remembered as heroes. The precious children who were in the bottom story of the towers. The brave fire fighters, police officers and volunteers who gave their lives trying to save others. And of course all the innocent who simply showed up for work and couldn't get out in time. I remember hearing the tribute songs that played on the radio, they'd bring tears to my eyes. Thinking of all the families who lost loved ones, babies still in the womb who wouldn't meet their daddies. Wives left to be widows. It was all my friends could talk about. We no longer felt safe as we had before.

Though I know why we were attacked it still doesn't make sense to me. This is a day that I will never forget. I'm sure my children & grandchildren will ask me about it as I asked my grandparents about there experience when Pearl Harbor was attacked.

Happy Birthday America

in·de·pend·ence
noun
Definition:
1. freedom from control: freedom from dependence on or control by another person, organization, or state

Smart Habit Saturday {week 4 May}

Wow! I made it to week 4. When I started this I really wasn't sure how long it would last or if I would keep up with it. I'm a procrastinator and tend to let things fall to the wayside, yes I'm lazy. And I was intimidated to start because I didn't want to not finish. But I did and I'm so glad. I can see the affects/effects {can never remember the correct way to use either word} that my new habits that I've developed &/or in process of developing have made in my life. When I follow through with them at least, and not following through with them is a huge reminder of how good they are. ie: waking up to a clean kitchen & living room vs. waking up to rooms that look tornado struck/stricken? {wow, I need a brush up on my vocabulary & grammar skills. Anyway, so yeah SMART habits rock my world. This week was okay for me. I had a really poor Thursday, not doing a single thing on my list. I had an emotional day and it shows. Overall I think I did well but can see where I still need to work on things. After seeing this Joe's Goals thing on another smart habit site {I'm sorry, I can't remember which one right now} I got my own widget for my blog. I love how much easier it has made it for me to remember my habits & track my progress. I love lists & love checking things off of my lists. I haven't been able to figure out how to put my tracking sheet directly into this post so if you are interested you can click on the widget to the left. I'll still list my habits & progress below.

• Clearing dishes at night - habit!
• Brushing teeth at night - good progress
  
• Quick pick up - habit!
• Washing face at night - failing
• Quick clean kitchen at night - habit!
• Organize a small space - needs work

As I was writing out this list I realize that the habits I do best at are the ones focused on taking care of my house. My weaker habits are the ones that focus on taking care of myself. Hmm...that seems a little out of balance. I think that as moms we tend to put ourselves on the back burner, bottom of the list, last priority, let ourselves go. However you want to word it, it happens. Has anyone seen that Dove products commercial? If not I'll quickly describe. It starts off with a young woman who is 'well groomed', she gets married, has a baby - isn't quite so groomed -, baby gets older, she has another baby - even less groomed - then she gets all 'cleaned up' & she's pregnant again. The commercial says that 99% of women lose themselves & 100% can get themselves back {using their products}. I laughed when I saw this, because it is so true & because as soon as she's all 'pretty' again - she's pregnant. Kinda made me want to stay a little shabby. :P But the message of the commercial rings true, we do lose ourselves & we can get ourselves back. Though I think it has less to do with what products you are using and more about a change in mindset. We need to take care of ourselves, 1) no one else is gonna do it & 2) if our basic needs are being met then we'll be better for everyone else. I was thinking that this week I wouldn't add any new goals so I could focus better on the rest of mine. But now I think I will add two. {I love a challenge!}

• Drink water more often. Those of you who already know me may be thinking - huh? Yes, about the only thing I do drink is water however I don't drink nearly enough throughout the day and by the time I poor myself a glass my mouth is dry because I'm so thirsty. So I need to drink it more consistently throughout the day.
• Enjoy my time. Most days when both kids are napping I do housework, I also do housework while they are up. Rather than spending all of my 'free time' cleaning I'd rather do something that I enjoy. Some things are scrapbooking, blogging, browsing blogs, & organizing my stuff. I know that last one seems like a funny thing to be on the list but my stuff is always done last & I really do enjoy organizing.

If you would like to join in on this great opportunity of start new habits or see other bloggers getting SMART check out The Lazy Organizer. Thanks for visiting!

Say a prayer for the grieving families.

My Thoughts

Okay, I wasn't going to do a post on this topic because 1) I typically don't write about politics or news information. And this is why. 2) It's being over saturated in the news. But today I read this post & this post and then this one, leaving comments on two of them. After reading and commenting I realized I was thinking about this a lot & had something to say about it. My comments could have turned into blogs on their own so I figured I may as well blog it. At least I will get my thoughts out and not leave page long comments on anyone else's blog. I think there are a few sides to all that has happened and I have my thoughts on all of it.

Who's to Blame?

• First I want to say that God is not at fault here. We are people created by Him with free will to do as we please and make the choices we make. Unfortunately we often have to deal with or suffer the consequences of what others choose to do.
• Second, the only person responsible is the shooter himself. We could all play the 'what if' game all day/weeks/months/years to come. But what it all comes down to is the choice that he made that day.

What Now?

• The media needs to stop showing all of the horrific footage of him with the guns & knives. Every family member of a victim & the surviving victims know what their loved ones faced. They don't need to see it replayed over & over again just so some large media corporation can make profits.
• The shooters voice doesn't need to be heard. If you noticed, he referenced to the Columbine shootings. Not that one event caused the other but the first obviously put fuel to the already burning flame & it made enough of an impression for him to mention it in his 'final statement' if you will. Do we want to see another person reference the VT shooter in their reasoning for doing this all? To those who have the same thoughts as he did, he is a martyr for their 'cause'.

From My Experience

• When my mom was murdered seeing the newspaper articles about what happened & reading comments left on newspaper sights from people, mostly strangers, was hard to cope with. I know how she died, I know the last image that she saw & so do the families of those who were lost - we don't need to see it over and over. (Did I already mention that, I think so - sorry, it just really hit home with me).
• Let the families grieve. Let the students heal. I know none of us are out there putting cameras & microphones in front of the families or students faces but if we're watching them do it then they'll keep doing it. So I say don't turn on the news stations that are over saturating the news with footage & interviews. I understand it needs to be reported but within balance.

So that's it. My two cents. Take it as what you will. Just how I see it. If you are a praying person I hope you are praying for the families, students, & all those affected by this tragedy. That's what it was, a tragedy, we may never know why it happened - it just did. And sometimes we aren't going to know all the answers, most of the time we don't actually. We can take comfort in knowing that God can turn all things to good. I don't know how but somehow He does & we may not ever know how or what good comes from this or any of the other tragedies that happen in our country everyday. So I've said it and feel better now. See how you can be a part of the one day blog silence in honor toward the victims & maybe silent your tvs of overdone news that day.

Waiting for the World to Change

Here is my second attempt at this post. I had my original one finished when some error message popped up and I had to report (or not) and poof* it as all lost. I tried to recover it by choosing to restore previous session and everything but my post was returned to me. Ugh. Sometimes I really don't like computers but more so am frustrated with my lack of knowledge and abilities with computers. I just know that it will only be a few more years when Michael starts saying "no mom, you do it this way" except he'll be correct in correcting me. So I will do my best to remember what I had written/wrote/?.

Today I came home from running some errands, I could have done more but it was lunch time & I thought getting 3 out of 5 accomplished wasn't bad. Technically I couldn't do the 4th because Shawn still hasn't done the paper work for Power of Attorney. So I did a good job today. Anyway, when we got home & I got everything out of the car & pulled the trashcans back up I gave Michael lunch & decided to turn on the news while nursing Lydia. Let me tell you that I don't watch the news very often.

1) I have blues clues, diego, backyardigans, little einstines & all their pals fighting against me to watch anything directed towards anyone over 5 years old.
2) Most news reported is just depressing.
3) Most news stations can't be trusted.
4) Often times information is false, exaggerated and/or bias.
5) With Shawn in the military I don't want or need to hear anything about the war that will freak me out for no reason.

Occasionally I like to see whats going on in this world we live in so I do turn it on and usually I turn it on to Fox News. In my opinion they are the more balanced & fair in their news reports - they aren't perfect but they are my preference. So I turn it on in the middle of them doing a live report on a horse that was stuck in the mud in Texas. Apparently this was a pretty big deal because they had the chief of police himself trying to help this horse. My first thought was "this is on the news?" - seriously? Then it turned to a different story after about 30 seconds because thats about as long as most news reports last (another thing that bugs me about the news). This new story was about candy flavored meth. Did you hear/read me? CANDY FLAVORED METH! (I couldn't find the link on Fox so this one goes to MSNBC). Seriously? Seriously?! Okay now, not everyone knows much about drugs so let me make sure something is clear. Drug addicts will use drugs regardless of how they taste or smell or what the side affects are. Until an addict is ready to give it up they will continue using. I don't know this from personal experience, the only addiction I've ever had was with cigarettes but the same applies and I have known people who were trapped in addiction with drugs such as meth. This isn't some new gimmick for drug dealers to better satisfy their current customers. No, this is a marketing ploy to get kids to try & buy their drugs. There are flavors like strawberry (nicknamed strawberry quick), cherry, & cola among the new variety. A hard core addict may use and abuse regardless of taste but kids won't, it has to taste good for most of them to want it. If they didn't care more kids would eat their veggies without complaint. I was in shock, have things really stooped this low? Then I realized that I shouldn't be too surprised. Does a day go by that we don't turn on the news to hear about another child being defiled by a pedophile, a wife (or husband) turning up missing and/or dead, a pregnant woman being attacked? Our society is numb, desensitized to all of this. It's "just another news story", we expect to hear things like this. There has been a loss of innocence, too many lines crossed in our society. Kids can't just be kids, my kids will probably never be able to just go ride their bikes around the neighborhood like I used to. Now not only do I have the pedophile to worry about but the drug pusher offering my kids 'candy', except now it really does look & taste like candy. I love to watch old movies, the old black & whites. You know when men were gentlemen and treated women like ladies - cuz guess what they acted like a lady. I know that there isn't a generation of our history that was 'perfect' and it certainly wasn't all like Leave it to Beaver made it look like but times were different. They were at least a lot less scary.

Before going to commercial they cut back to that horse stuck in the mud. This time I was thinking "I wish this was the news". If only the run of the mill news were things as simple, mundane, and frankly boring as a horse stuck in the mud. But that's not how it is and times are only going to get worse. There may be moments when the crime rate has dropped but in the big picture it's not getting any better. So I have this to say in closing:

1) I'm glad that God is a bigger God than all of the evil & ugly in this world.
2) This world and all that is in it is temporary and our time here is fleeting.
3) I can't do anything directly to change this growing problem of drugs but I can use this blog to make others aware & I can pray protection over my children & raise them up in hopes that they will never be directly affected by this garbage.

Thanks for stopping by. Oh, and if this is your first time here I don't usually talk politics/news stuff - just not my thing. Today I was bothered so I'm blogging.