Faithful Friday {week 10}

I've been trying to think of something to write for this post all day and now Friday has almost passed. I don't know what the struggle has been. I'm sure lack of sleep due to all of the excitement {read: panic!} last night with the tornado warnings. I'm from California, we have earthquakes, I know all about duck & cover but a tornado? I think the hardest part of it all was being alone. Though my husband hasn't been through a tornado warning I'd have felt better with him here. He would have told me things would be fine & he would have known where the flashlight was - it's somewhere in that shed but I don't know which bin. By now he would have the whole thing set up and known. But we survived. The most we experienced was high winds & a thunderstorm. Not too far from my house a tornado did touch down several times but overall things were okay.

I've also got a lot on my mind. Tomorrow my daughter turns one year old. So much has changed in a year. My whole 'world' has been shaken & turned upside down. It's not all bad, sometimes we need a good shake in life - I think. But it's a lot to take in & look back on. And some of it is bad, some of it is hard and when I approach milestones like this it brings those things to the forefront of my mind. So here it is 11:03pm the night before my daughter's first birthday. I still have a lot of cleaning to do, should decorate so I don't have as much to do tomorrow since baking early is out of question {I forgot to get cupcake liners} and my mind is on overload. If you'd like to read more Faithful Friday's click on the button above. I hope you all enjoy your weekend. Thanks for visiting. I will have some fun holiday/birthday posts coming up soon.

♥

Six Years Later

And I still cry. This morning as I watched the news & they replayed the events of that day my eyes welled up. There were so many lost that day, so many people in fear and confusion. I was fearful that day. I was 19, going to community college and working part time at Round Table. I remember that day though it still seems like a blur along with the days following. I woke up to the TV left on from the night before and didn't understand what I was seeing. An airplane hitting the World Trade Center? What was going on? I went to the living room to see if my dad & step mom had seen it and they were watching. Then we heard about Flight 93 going down in Pennsylvania and I thought of my friend who was going to school there. I had a dental appointment to get a cracked tooth pulled later and my mom took me. After turning in a paper at school I went to my moms & was glued to the TV the rest of the day, wanting answers but answers they couldn't provide. At the time my step mom was pregnant with my little sister Hannah - we didn't know at the time she would be Hannah, most everyone thought it was another boy. I remember a conversation I had with my step mom, asking her how God could allow something like this to happen. Telling her that I still had too many things I wanted to do in life, that I wasn't ready to die. I was very fearful, having no idea if more attacks were being planned. Living 10 minutes away from a prominent Air Force base didn't help matters & my running wild imagination certainly didn't help. I don't remember her exact words but I remember her telling me that all we could do was trust in God, because the plan is already laid out, he's gone before us.

In the days following I was still watching the news, still wanting answers and crying as I began hearing stories about the people who had lost their lives. The brave passengers & crew of Flight 93 who wouldn't go down without a fight, remembered as heroes. The precious children who were in the bottom story of the towers. The brave fire fighters, police officers and volunteers who gave their lives trying to save others. And of course all the innocent who simply showed up for work and couldn't get out in time. I remember hearing the tribute songs that played on the radio, they'd bring tears to my eyes. Thinking of all the families who lost loved ones, babies still in the womb who wouldn't meet their daddies. Wives left to be widows. It was all my friends could talk about. We no longer felt safe as we had before.

Though I know why we were attacked it still doesn't make sense to me. This is a day that I will never forget. I'm sure my children & grandchildren will ask me about it as I asked my grandparents about there experience when Pearl Harbor was attacked.

Faithful Friday {week 9}

This will be a quick entry because I need to get the kids {& hubby} ready to go to the park. It's a meetup & hubby has the day off so we'll make it a family thing also. A couple days ago we found out that we'll have to relocate sometime around January because they are renovating all of the townhouses in my neighborhood. Of course this will be after Shawn is gone so you can imagine how *thrilled* I was. I wasn't going to mention anything about it until I had more information after next Thursday's meeting but was reminded of something this morning. In Matthew 6 it talks about worrying. I am a worrier. Immediately after reading the notice I went into 'panic' mode and started worrying about everything I'd have to take care of while hubby is away and how hard it would be & what our new house would be like. Would we have a backyard with a fence? Would I have decent storage? Will I have to move off post? Will this interfere with my holiday vacation plans? I was even more frustrated after housing told us we couldn't do anything until next Thursday. I've already talked to a few people about this and they have been encouraging - my sis said that God was giving me something to keep me busy while hubby is away. No, she doesn't have children. ;) Anyways, back to the scripture. We are not to worry about tomorrow because today has enough to worry about. (I can't remember if that's in the same chapter but it goes along) From Matthew 6 (I think) it talks about God's love and provision for us. He provides the animals & plants with food, shelter & 'clothing' (makes the flowers pretty) and how much more does he love us that he wants to provide us with those things as well. So I'm not going to worry anymore. I know we will have a house and will make do - I'm hoping it's an 'upgrade' from this place. I'm still not looking forward to packing/unpacking but have been offered much help so that may even turn out to be a fun thing. I'm sure some of you may think - what about the homeless & starving in this world? Does God not love them? My response: Of course God loves them, He loves EVERYONE, He made us to love & be loved by him. Unfortunately there's this thing called free will & our own actions & the actions of others have natural consequences (not punishment). In a poor country where the leaders are not taking care of their people bad things result. If you don't work you don't eat or have a home. For more Faithful Friday click on the button above.

Thanks for stopping by, enjoy your weekend!

♥

Faithful Friday {week 8}

Kim at Daily Blessings who hosts Faithful Fridays has a meme of sorts for today's post. We are to list 7 things we are blessed by today. After you read this go check out her post by clicking on the button & join in. Even if you read this after Friday. Here's my 7.

1. It's a 4 day weekend for hubby!

2. Modern technology like the internet so I can keep in touch better with family & friends while we are out of state.

3. Modern technology so I can better keep in touch with my hubby when he leaves.

4. The opportunities the kids I have to make new friends while we live away from our old ones.

5. The old friends I still have and will always be able to count on esp when I need them most.

6. The opportunity Mary Kay provides me to meet new people, have an income & be encouraged.

7. The time I have to spend with my family.

I hope you all enjoy your weekend! Thanks for stopping by.

♥

Faithful Friday {week 7}

Today is one of those days that I am not happy about being a woman. So all that I can muster up is thank you God that when I receive my glorious body in heaven I will not cramp, ache, bloat, feel nautious or have hormonal issues to deal with.

Okay, that is really lame so I'll add this in the midst of preparing for deployment. I'm entering a time when my faith will be tested. I won't be able to talk to my husband for somewhere between 45 & 60 days after he leaves. I won't be able to talk to him regularly as the availability of a phone & his missions schedule will be too random for anything to be regular. I will have no tangible evidence of his safety or well being. So I will blindly trust, hanging on to the promises the Lord has given me, grasping to His peace that surpasses all understanding. I don't know if I'm quite to that point yet but He will bring me there. For more Faithful Friday click on the button.

♥

Faithful Friday {week 6}

So I'm a little late remembering that today is Friday and I have this post that I try {really hard} to remember to do. But better late than never right? Right. Though an old co-worker of mine {yes, I used to work an 8-5 and did pretty well too} would respond to that saying with "Better never late". Well duh but that's not so encouraging or forgiving. Speaking of my old 8-5, where did the term 9-5 come from? I've never worked or known anyone who worked from 9-5. Anyways I'm getting off topic and conversations about fertilizer {fancy for cow or other animal poo & dirt} flying through my vents because the wind was blowing in the wrong direction that day. Hmm...I should do a series sharing fun & sometimes 'scary' stories about my old job. What do you think?

Back to Faithful Friday because after all that is why I logged on and started posting rather than rummaging the kitchen for more to snack on while kids & hubby are taking a nap. w00t! for the quiet as a mouse house. Except that mice aren't very quiet, I'll share more in my old work stories. You intrigued yet? Focus people, focus! {speaking more to myself than you all} So I don't have a specific topic this week. But I do have some news. We have found a church! Hallelujah, praise the Lord! {by the way I'm glad you aren't required to know or spell 'Christianese' in order to be a Christian because my spelling is something awful lately} So yes, we have started going to church. It's a little chapel, not with pews but it's still cute, within walking distance from our house. There's a good group of people, around 100-150 and a variety of ages which is great and other children there too. Michael goes to more of a daycare thing than a preschool thing like he did at our old church but that's really my only disappointment. The worship is current & they have drums - do you worship without drums? I can but I much prefer the drums. And the words to the songs are on a projection screen so I'm not fumbling with the kids & song books. After service they get together for lunch, everyone. Plus they have a softball game each Sunday for the guys {or gals} and a few Bible studies going on.

Now, don't get your hopes up about the softball thing. I haven't exercised in quite sometime, in fact I even just misspelled the word exercise until the little red line told me it was wrong that's how out of touch with exercising I am. But If I do step up to bat I'll be sure and have hubby {try his best to} take a picture so you all can see. I used to play bobby sox - girls' softball if you didn't know. But that was 13 - wow - years ago and I haven't done anything close to 'gym' in about 7 - wow - years.

Thanks for stopping by. For more Faithful Friday click on the button up top. By the way, this is post number 150. I'm not sure if that means a) I'm a creative chick with lots of great stuff to talk about, b) I spend too much time on my computer and less time doing really important life changing stuff like laundry or c) I need to get out more. {I'd say a bit of each if you were curious}

♥

Faithful Friday {week 5}

Wow, two weeks in a row I remembered. And this time without any reminders. So last week I started talking about my dry season I'm in, spiritually speaking. I thought I would elaborate more on that but now I'm not sure what more I was planning to say. I'm dry, that about covers it. I really should start keeping notes on things I plan to blog at a later date so that when that date comes I have some reference. Do you like this little button I made? Click on it to read more Faithful Friday from my buddy Kim at Daily Blessings. I'm having fun making these little buttons. I've got lots in store for Masterpiece Monday but you'll have to wait until then to see.

Today's Faithful Friday is inspired by a devotion that was in a newsletter from Wives of Faith that I read today. An excerpt from the 'About Us' section of their website: Wives of Faith is a new group that exists for the purpose of connecting all military wives including active, retired, Reserve and Guard, who are looking for encouragement and friendships with others sharing similar life experiences. Wives of Faith get-togethers provide a way for military spouses to meet each other, connect for a friendly cup of coffee or conversation over lunch, a play date at the park with the kids, or a heart to heart when times get tough. It's our hope that through this group, women will be encouraged in their walk with God through the ups and downs of military life and discover the hope and contentment that we can all have through Christ.

The newsletter I read this morning talked about the times in life when winning does count. I'm not talking about finishing first in a race, breaking records or scoring points. But rather having victories in life, overcoming circumstances & beating the odds. There are spiritual forces in this world and an enemy that wants to defeat you & me, everyone. He wants us distracted & swated from the Truth & to live our lives in fear & without hope. I have had days that I felt nothing was going right, I was failing at everything and it felt as though the world was falling apart around me. But God's mercy is new every morning, I made it through hard times, I was not defeated. As I'm preparing to enter a new season in my life, a season with my husband away at war I need to cling to the truth & peace that surpasses all understanding. I need to claim victory for my husband, my marriage & my family. I can't let the enemy defeat my thoughts, invade my peace or take advantage of my vulnerability. This isn't to say I won't worry or have bad days but I won't be defeated.

♥

Faithful Friday {week 5}

So my weeks are definitely not in good order, I've missed I don't know how many but this morning my blog buddy Kim at Daily Blessings sent me an instant message & reminded me - thanks Kim! What? you don't chat with your blog buddies? Oh, well I do, not everyone but some. Anyways I'm giving this another try. Spiritually I've been dry lately. We haven't found a church or actively searching which doesn't help, I haven't done a Bible study since Michael was little, I haven't done a devotion in I don't know how long, truth be told I hardly pray anymore except when I put my kids to bed. Since my mom died I've been conflicted with some things and I think the way I'm dealing with it {right or wrong} is just pushing things to the side and trying to get through each day. I realize that spending time in the Word, putting things into perspective, reading about all the good that God has for me at the beginning of the day would help me get through but I haven't been. No excuses, I just haven't. So I'm dry and I guess that makes it easy for me to forget about Faithful Friday. But really I shouldn't. The good news is that God is faithful even when I am not. I'll get more into this next week but for today I'm going to talk about what I pray for my kids at night.

Each night when I put my kids in bed I give them hugs & kisses and tell them that I love them. Michael of course needs water and specifies which blanky he wants to use and wants to talk & snuggle. Most nights I read him a book too but we're not as consistent as we used to be. With Lydia it's a little easier, put her in the crib, give her the blanket, turn on her musical mickey thing and say ni-night. With both of my kids I pray for them. I ask God to keep them safe & healthy and continue to grow their character & personalities. The main request that I have is that He fill in the gaps. I try my best, and so does my husband, to be a good parent but we're far from perfect. We've argued in front of the kids, shown them poor choices & get overwhelmed and upset at times. I ask God to fill in the gaps where I have 'failed' or let them down because I know that I'm going to make mistakes & already have. My mom used to apologize to me in a mostly joking tone about any future therapy I would need as a result of her parenting. Now as a parent I understand what she meant. The task is so daunting and overwhelming at times. To think that every choice we make not only in our parenting but just in what we say & do in our lives as ourselves {not in 'parent' mode} has an impact on our kids. It's hard to think that they won't turn out screwed up in some way. But God is faithful, He is the ultimate parent & can fill in those gaps. No one is or has a perfect parent and most of us turn out okay. I'm not sure if that all came out like I was trying to communicate but I'm a little hormonal and tired and rambling.

Thanks for stopping by and if you have something to write about Faithful Friday please let me know so I can come & read.

*Also, scroll down for some really exciting news on a post I put up earlier today. w00t!*

Faithful Friday {week 4}

It is Friday. This week has just crept up on me outta nowhere it seems. In 5 days I'll be leaving for California and very soon my sister will be happily wedded. This week has been a challenging one. With Shawn gone I've been very lonely. He's been able to call a few times but for very short periods of time so we don't get to talk much. I ♥ my kids and enjoy chatting with a friend on im and the occasional phone call but aside from that I don't have much adult interaction. I'm working on it though. I've joined a few meet up groups & look forward to meeting some other moms through that but this week has been lonely & emotional. But I have had some good days & moments throughout it. I think that is what I'm thankful for this week. The rain comes down but the sun comes up. There was a song we sang in church that better describes it but I can't find my notes on it right now. So I'll do my best without them or the words to the song. I would do a search for the lyrics but I can't remember the name of the song either.

The storms in life come. We've all heard that saying "when it rains it pours" & for those of you who haven't heard it - it's true, or at least it can feel that way at times. Like when you realize you are out of mascara you are also running low on the rest of your make-up, you are behind on one bill and get a notice for yet another. Whatever the situation is, times get challenging & it can seem overwhelming. But what happens after the rain? The ground is replenished, things are cleaned & the sun comes out. When challenging times come we can either approach it kicking & screaming the entire way dragging our feet through the mud or we can stand, be still, spread our arms open & look up to the rain falling down. You can even stick out your tongue if ya want. Regardless of our attitude the rain will fall, things are going to happen. But rather than letting it drag you down & keep you down you can learn from it and grow from it. I'd much rather be living in the midst of a storm than a dry desert.

Faithful Friday {week 3 - a day late}

If I could set an alert for my blog I'd post on time more often. I'll just have to work on recognizing what day of the week it is. Sorta funny how it worked out this week though. I posted my Smart Habit Saturday on Friday, granted it was late at night and now I'm posting my Faithful Friday on Saturday. Guess I'm a little mixed up this week. My days really have been thrown off. Shawn had a four day weekend last week and got off work early on Tuesday and now he's been gone since Wednesday so I'm all out of sorts. But I'd rather post this late than not at all. I do want to keep this a habit.

So this week I am thankful for my family. Not just my own family in my home but my immediate & extended family. My dad & stepmom have really been a great support & encouragement to me, especially after losing my mom. They call weekly to talk and check in with how I'm doing. It's great to have such a loving support system. I am really looking forward to seeing them in California in a couple weeks. I'm also thankful that we were all able to get our plane tickets. The whole family is going to be together for a weekend.

And I must say "Happy Birthday" to my little sis. She is 22 today.

Check out Daily Blessings for more Faithful Fridays.

Faithful Friday {week 2}

Ah! I almost forgot. I actually remembered earlier today but was unable to get on the computer right at that moment so I forgot - which happens frequently if my thoughts are delayed too long. I used to blame it on pregnancy but now I guess it shows that I'm still trying to get all those lost brain cells back, do they all return? Where do they vacation? *Quick side note: for all you other Blogger users out there, don't you just love how it autosaves while posting?! Like once a minute, for people like me who can {sometimes} type about 60wpm that's a lot of work saved. I'm excited about it, I could have used it a week or so ago when I unexpectedly lost my connection.* Anyways, back to Faithful Friday. I know I'm a little late in the day but I still have 31 minutes before it is Saturday and I'm sure I'll post my smart habits later in the day tomorrow so it all kinda works itself out in the end. As if you all are refreshing my page waiting in anticipation for the next new post. Ha!

My blog pal Kim over at Daily Blessings started Faithful Fridays and invited me to join along. I look at this as a good opportunity to change my perspective/outlook on things. Sometimes we or at least me anyway ~ can get caught up in all the drama life brings. The disappointments, struggles, challenges, heartache, etc. can be so overwhelming and swallow you whole if you aren't careful. So this is part of me being careful. At least once a week I will proclaim how God is faithful to me and his promises. I think it more often throughout the week and sometimes it comes through in my posts but there's something about putting it in writing. Once it's out there - it's out there and I can look back on these when I'm having a rough day and remember that God is God and he is good.

So today I am thankful that God has not only blessed me with a great husband and two beautiful children but that He continues to pour out his mercy & grace on me. There are days that I feel I can't do anything right - more often as my son gets older & wiser {read: sassier}. On those days, much like today, I know that it is only through him I'm able to take a deep breath, collect myself and press on. He gives me reminders through my husbands encouragement, my son's kisses & my daughter's sweet smile that I am not failing, but rather I'm still learning, that I'm doing my best and I'm doing a good job. I'll end this quick post with a couple of photos of said blessings. Thanks for visiting & hope to see you again soon.




Updated: So I ended up posting my Smart Habit Saturday tonight. Silly, I know. Oh and also, one thing about this constant saving stuff is I think it may post each time it saves. But at least you won't lose your work.

Mothers Day, 2007

Today is mothers day. It is my first mothers day with both of my kids {last year I was 5 months pregnant with Lydia}. It is sadly also my first mother's day without my own mother. I knew this day would be a mix of emotions for me. Joy in celebrating being a mother and sadness at the loss of my own. What I didn't expect were the emotions leading up to this point. Seeing commercials advertising gift ideas, flowers & cards for mothers day made me want to throw things at the TV, instead I would change the channel but you get the idea. It has been 4 months and 2 days since she was suddenly & violently taken from us and I'm still sorting through my emotions. I've been wondering things like 'is there a mothers day in heaven?', 'does she know the struggle I am having now?'.

With as much as I am unsure of there are some things I know for sure. I know that she loved me and was proud of me. I know that she loved my kids and thought that I was a wonderful mom. I know that she knew how much I loved and appreciated her. We were very close before she passed and for that I am thankful. I also know that she is now dancing with Jesus and full of more joy than she had ever imagined. I still miss her, and I don't think that will ever stop - I wouldn't want it to. I encourage anyone who has a strained relationship with their mother {or anyone for that matter} to resolve it. Do whatever you've got to do and forgive them, holding onto bitterness & resentment doesn't hurt the other person, it hurts you. If someone you loved passed before you were able to make amends then make peace with it now and don't carry it one more day.

I'm a closet Dr. Phil & Oprah watcher - not everyday but often. Friday Oprah had Maria Shriver on and she had interviewed a couple of famous moms. There are a couple of segments from her interview with Demi Moore that stood out to me and I'm sure we can all relate on some level. You can click here, here, and here to read for yourself.

Some things my mom taught me {sometimes without realizing it}:
* How to love without condition.
* The importance of forgiving.
* To take care of & love myself.
* God's grace & mercy.
* How to be the best mom I can be.

Happy Mother's Day Mom. I love & miss you.

Fathful Friday {week 1}

My blog friend Kim over at Daily Blessings has started a new thing called Faithful Fridays. Kim explains the purpose of Faithful Friday as acknowledging your faith each Friday, by leaving a post about great things God has done in your life. At first I was a little hesitant to commit to this kind of post. Not because I don't have faith but because it has been lacking lately. I feel very dry spiritually. Recent events have left me questioning a lot of things and it's been difficult for me to get back in my groove, spiritually. Then I thought about it and realized that taking time to think about what God has done in my life might just help me in this struggle. It is very easy to get going on that downward spiral when focusing on the negatives in life. While we can't very well avoid those things all together {at least I haven't figured that out yet}, focusing on the positives in life can bring new perspective and get help to get you back on the right track. So here it goes.

• I am thankful that God is gracious and is always waiting for me with open arms.
• I am thankful that God is bigger than any obstacle I may be facing.

Feel free to join in with us for Faithful Friday by posting your own or even just leaving a comment. Make sure that you let me know if you do post a Faithful Friday so I can check it out.

Thanks for the visit, have a great weekend!

P.S. The photo of the sunflower is from my mother in laws garden. Her & Michael planted flowers together during one of our last visits before moving out of California.

hmmm....

So I couldn't resist putting these photos up. This morning on the way to church I stopped at the Starbucks down the street from my house (I just know you're jealous - at least one of you anyway ;). Anyway, I got my grande white mocha ~ hot, fat & whipped of course! ~ Michael asked for a chomit milk (chocolate milk in Michael speak). He was being so good & sweet so I got him one. I love how they serve it in the little cups that looked just like mine & I'm not sure if it was a small straw or if they cut it but that made it even better. I went to take a picture and of course didn't have my camera with me because 'what would I have to take a picture of between now & coming home from church?' - never again will I leave my house without my camera! Fortunately I had my camera phone with just enough photo space to get two pics. I didn't realize until I posted these that it looks like 'before chocolate milk fix' & 'after chocolate milk fix', can we say coffee addict in the making? He looks like such a 'big boy' in these pics, I just can't believe how grown up he is, or at least he thinks he is. It's just a small taste of what I'll be going through over the years I'm sure, and an even smaller taste of what my parents went through with me. I always thought I was so mature & grown up & new everything. *If I am still that way, you can tell me just be nice about it please* Anyway, I just loved these pics & wanted to share.

So, now I want to brag about the progress that I've made so far in the house. It may not sound like much but compared to what I've done in the past few days (weekish) and managing to get it done with both kids here while my tv & computer were in perfectly good working order to distract me - but didn't! Most of my progress is thanks to naptime & veggie tales. So I have made more progress on laundry, though that one never ends (I gathered almost another full load while cleaning today...) but progress is progress so it counts. I cleaned up the kitchen, including dishes & wiping up that sticky spot (likely Michael's work) and organized my papers to be filed & ones that need my attention tomorrow. I also did the routine pick up of the toys, clothing, whatnot strewn throughout the living room & cleaned floors (sweep & spot mop). Then I scrubbed the bathroom - closets still need some organization but you can close them so they can wait. And then, the biggest thing of all - I started to unpack some more boxes upstairs. This has been a really challenging thing for me to do because I'm not up there all day with them staring at me so it's easy to ignore. Now we can walk around much more easily & have our clothes - get this - in the closets rather than suitcases, boxes, pile on floor/couch. Wow! We do need to get a dresser or some other kind of clothing organization because how it is will only last so long. But it's progress! Like I said, I know it doesn't sound like much but it's a lot for me. I'm not posting this to get kudos, more for my own accountability, but if you want to send them along I'll gladly accept. ;)

Hmm...so what else for today? Well, church was nice. Michael was really excited to go see some friends - he has so much fun with other kids. Lydia did well in nursery again. I had a hard time at the beginning of worship though. The first song they sing is "I'll Fly Away" ~ I was thinking, of all the songs this one, today? It was enough for me to get up & decide to go to church today and then they sing that. Don't get me wrong, it's a beautiful song. I've just been struggling with everything about my mom's death lately, okay since she passed but I've been more down about it lately. My walk with the Lord has been dry, my desire to seek Him out has dwindled, my passion is blah. Anyway, the song was so bad because it was one of the songs that we played at my mom's memorial service, the Jars of Clay rendition. It was the start of the service. Rachelle (my sister) and I walked out to this song placing lavender long stem roses on her casket, holding each other. It really is a beautiful song though. And now I'm making myself listen to it. No, I don't like torturing myself. I just need to remind myself that it is a happy song. Because she flew away into the sweet & loving arms of Jesus, so I will say hallelujah.

I'll fly away, oh glory, I'll fly away
When I die, hallelujah by and by, I'll fly away

Some bright morning when this life is o'er, I'll fly away
To a land* on God's celestial shore, I'll fly away

When the shadows of this life have grown, I'll fly away
Like a bird from these prison walls, I’ll fly, I'll fly away

I'll fly away, oh glory, I'll fly away
When I die, hallelujah by and by, I'll fly away

Oh how glad and happy when we meet, I'll fly away
No more cold iron shackles on my feet, I'll fly away

I'll fly away, oh glory, I'll fly away
When I die, hallelujah by and by, I'll fly away

Just a few more weary days and then, I'll fly away
To a land where joy will never end, I'll fly away

I'll fly away, oh glory, I'll fly away
When I die, hallelujah by and by, I'll fly away

I'll fly away, oh glory, I'll fly away
When I die, hallelujah by and by, I'll fly away

I'll fly away, oh glory, I'll fly away
When I die, hallelujah by and by, I'll fly away

I'll fly away

Oh yeah, I'll fly away

Waiting for the World to Change

Here is my second attempt at this post. I had my original one finished when some error message popped up and I had to report (or not) and poof* it as all lost. I tried to recover it by choosing to restore previous session and everything but my post was returned to me. Ugh. Sometimes I really don't like computers but more so am frustrated with my lack of knowledge and abilities with computers. I just know that it will only be a few more years when Michael starts saying "no mom, you do it this way" except he'll be correct in correcting me. So I will do my best to remember what I had written/wrote/?.

Today I came home from running some errands, I could have done more but it was lunch time & I thought getting 3 out of 5 accomplished wasn't bad. Technically I couldn't do the 4th because Shawn still hasn't done the paper work for Power of Attorney. So I did a good job today. Anyway, when we got home & I got everything out of the car & pulled the trashcans back up I gave Michael lunch & decided to turn on the news while nursing Lydia. Let me tell you that I don't watch the news very often.

1) I have blues clues, diego, backyardigans, little einstines & all their pals fighting against me to watch anything directed towards anyone over 5 years old.
2) Most news reported is just depressing.
3) Most news stations can't be trusted.
4) Often times information is false, exaggerated and/or bias.
5) With Shawn in the military I don't want or need to hear anything about the war that will freak me out for no reason.

Occasionally I like to see whats going on in this world we live in so I do turn it on and usually I turn it on to Fox News. In my opinion they are the more balanced & fair in their news reports - they aren't perfect but they are my preference. So I turn it on in the middle of them doing a live report on a horse that was stuck in the mud in Texas. Apparently this was a pretty big deal because they had the chief of police himself trying to help this horse. My first thought was "this is on the news?" - seriously? Then it turned to a different story after about 30 seconds because thats about as long as most news reports last (another thing that bugs me about the news). This new story was about candy flavored meth. Did you hear/read me? CANDY FLAVORED METH! (I couldn't find the link on Fox so this one goes to MSNBC). Seriously? Seriously?! Okay now, not everyone knows much about drugs so let me make sure something is clear. Drug addicts will use drugs regardless of how they taste or smell or what the side affects are. Until an addict is ready to give it up they will continue using. I don't know this from personal experience, the only addiction I've ever had was with cigarettes but the same applies and I have known people who were trapped in addiction with drugs such as meth. This isn't some new gimmick for drug dealers to better satisfy their current customers. No, this is a marketing ploy to get kids to try & buy their drugs. There are flavors like strawberry (nicknamed strawberry quick), cherry, & cola among the new variety. A hard core addict may use and abuse regardless of taste but kids won't, it has to taste good for most of them to want it. If they didn't care more kids would eat their veggies without complaint. I was in shock, have things really stooped this low? Then I realized that I shouldn't be too surprised. Does a day go by that we don't turn on the news to hear about another child being defiled by a pedophile, a wife (or husband) turning up missing and/or dead, a pregnant woman being attacked? Our society is numb, desensitized to all of this. It's "just another news story", we expect to hear things like this. There has been a loss of innocence, too many lines crossed in our society. Kids can't just be kids, my kids will probably never be able to just go ride their bikes around the neighborhood like I used to. Now not only do I have the pedophile to worry about but the drug pusher offering my kids 'candy', except now it really does look & taste like candy. I love to watch old movies, the old black & whites. You know when men were gentlemen and treated women like ladies - cuz guess what they acted like a lady. I know that there isn't a generation of our history that was 'perfect' and it certainly wasn't all like Leave it to Beaver made it look like but times were different. They were at least a lot less scary.

Before going to commercial they cut back to that horse stuck in the mud. This time I was thinking "I wish this was the news". If only the run of the mill news were things as simple, mundane, and frankly boring as a horse stuck in the mud. But that's not how it is and times are only going to get worse. There may be moments when the crime rate has dropped but in the big picture it's not getting any better. So I have this to say in closing:

1) I'm glad that God is a bigger God than all of the evil & ugly in this world.
2) This world and all that is in it is temporary and our time here is fleeting.
3) I can't do anything directly to change this growing problem of drugs but I can use this blog to make others aware & I can pray protection over my children & raise them up in hopes that they will never be directly affected by this garbage.

Thanks for stopping by. Oh, and if this is your first time here I don't usually talk politics/news stuff - just not my thing. Today I was bothered so I'm blogging.

Waisting time

Today was not a very productive day at all. And ya know what? I don't feel that bad about it. I was up very early so I just couldn't get motivated. I did accomplish a couple things though. Me & kids ate all of our meals up to this point, I took a shower & I hooked up my webcam. Still figuring out all of the kinks with it but it's working (Hi Chriss!!) Oh and I've downloaded a bunch of free fonts if you count that as productive. And by the way, I just figured out how to make a link without typing the link, never knew the correct way to use that nifty little button up there. Can we say computer illiterate? Technically challenged maybe? Not so savvy? Okay thats enough. Oh I also watched this funny clip that my friend sent me, the ass word - it's cute & hilarious. I was going to link to it but can't so if you are interested I can e-mail it to you. It's totally clean & I'm sure most parents will appreciate the humor. I have added some funny kids clips I found on youtube to my blog to entertain you.

So tomorrow is a new day. I have some errands to do and an FRG meeting to attend. It stands for Family Readiness Group (if I remember correctly) and from my understanding is basically the wives of my husbands unit getting together for a potluck. It will be fun to meet other women and get some advice & guidance from those who have been going through this longer than I. I'm looking forward to it, now I just need to figure out what I'll be bringing to the potluck. I'm a little out of practice cooking & can't remember what I enjoy cooking the most and/or what comes out best. I may just pick up some pinwheel sandwich things from the store. We will see. Oh, I also found out today that Shawn may be coming home a week earlier from the field than we expected, so that is exciting.

When looking at an old post of another friends blog I found some information about a City Festival that is going to be in Nashville May 19-20. So we are planning to go to that, I'm excited to see the bands in concert, Michael to meet some of the Veggie Tales and hear the great message that I'm sure Luis Palau will have. Yay!! Well, when I sat down to write this I don't know how long ago, I had some other things to blog about in mind but alas my memory has failed me once again. And now the loud wind & rain has woken Lydia up so I must go. I will post again later if I have anything post worthy. Or if I have time to figure out how to put my own videos on this thing now that I have my webcam. You can see my kids in action, well as much action as possible in front of the computer anyway. Thanks for stopping by!

Another Week is Past

The eggs are put away, more candy has been consumed by my son in one day then I'd like to admit and my stash is hidden for myself to enjoy later. Today was pretty uneventful. The kids and I went to a new church, Shawn stayed home with a migraine. Afterwards we took some photos in our fancy clothes - I may pull a redo tomorrow and catch the kids in a better mood. Lydia was so beautiful in her poofy pink dress. It had netting between the layers so it really poofed, it could have swallowed her whole. It was pretty but she made the dress, I can't get over how sweet she is. And Michael was a handsome little man in his suit & clip on tie and hair all combed. At first the tie bugged him but then he started showing it off. He is such a cutie & I think he knows it. After photos was naptime and I watched some movies - now that we have all these fancy movie channels.

Though we didn't do much today it was a good day. I think I found our new church. It's a small foursquare church ~ just my style. The people were incredibly friendly & welcoming and loved my kids. I really felt at home there so I think the search is over. It is such a cute little church building too, with pews and everything. The worship isn't exactly what I'm used to (I'll miss the drums) but I think the mixture of old Hymns and new songs will be fun. There are a few other military families as well and some other younger people. But there is also a nice range in ages which I like. We'll see after a few weeks how it goes but I do think the search is over.

Well, like I said fairly uneventful day so I don't really have much else to write about. I hope you all had a good time celebrating.

Blah, blah, blah

Okay so earlier I was going to post but just could not get in the mood to do it or anything else. I did not accomplish any house unpacking today. /:( I tried to get out of this 'funk' but after taking a shower, hoping that would kick me into gear the most I did was get the kids dressed (really only because we had errands to do when Shawn got off work) and wash a few dishes from last nights dinner. Ugh. I was wanting to have so much more done before Shawn left Tuesday but I just don't see it happening. I guess the house will just look that much better in comparison when he comes back.

So I don't think this post is going to be very interesting, not that they all are but I think I usually put out a pretty good blog. I've been trying to do this for over an hour tonight but the dumb log in was having some kind of connection time out or something, whatever it was - I couldn't sign in so I couldn't blog. So now I am even less inspired then I was when I originally started. I'm getting those "blahs" again. I thought it was the hotel before but obviously that's not the only thing. I think it has a lot to do with being away from home, family, friends, familiar surroundings. Knowing that Shawn will be gone a couple times during the next couple months and then deployed for at least a year and I will still be here because of the way things work with the military. And I really miss my mom. It's something I don't talk about a lot because I guess part of me feels like 'gee, move on already, get on with things' and I would still miss her since I moved so whats the difference? except now I can't talk to her, I can't share anything going on in my life with her. I can't tell her about how much Michael loves choo choo tracks ever since she got him the train set & that's what he thinks special is. I can't tell her how Lydia reminds me of her so much. I know it's only been almost three months since she died so I shouldn't be so hard on myself but if it's already been almost three months why do I still want to curl up in a ball under the covers and cry and not do anything else (I haven't been doing that because of the kids, but mentally that's where I am). It just won't stop hurting, I don't stop missing and I am really not looking forward to mother's day this year. Usually about this time Rachelle (my sister) and I would be talking about what would we get for the mom who was impossible, well difficult to shop for. It was always a challenge since mother's day was quickly followed by her birthday, the challenge was finding two gifts. Bath stuff & candles & slippers get old really quick. I started doing things with photos of the kids because she loved it and it was easier than trying to find clothes that she would like and I'm not so creative with gift giving. How I long to be frustrated with figuring out a gift to get for her.


I started doing some research for a counselor in this area that I can start going to. I think talking to someone about all that happened will help. I keep trying to make sense of it all still and of course it doesn't. I don't want to live in a world where someone being murdered in cold blood does make sense, I want the Lord to take me home before that happens. And thats another thing. My spirituality, passion for God, desire to seek Him & His will for my life, my walk - however you want to describe it is dry, burned out, just not there. Not that I was super disciplined in my daily Bible reading, devotions, prayer life, etc. before but at least I wanted to try. Maybe getting plugged into a church or Bible study will help in some way too. I don't know, I just know I'm not myself. I get all mean mommy & snappy wife and I don't like it (and I'm sure my poor family wouldn't prefer it either). Anyway, if you are the praying kind and happen to think of me I'd appreciate it.

Anyway, I didn't sit down thinking of writing all that, I guess it's just whats on my mind, so there it is. But I don't want this to be a completely depressing thing for you all to read. So I am going to put up some pictures of my oh so cute kids who can make me smile no matter how sad I am. There are some from the hotel and some from the house.

Aren't they just adorable? I think so, but I guess I should huh? Michael makes Lydia smile & laugh all day long - it is so great. Pictures left to right, top to bottom. 1) Michael has fun checking out daddy's 'Army guy' stuff. 2) Michael making Lydia giggle just by smiling at her & saying hi {a very exaggerated breathy hi, she smiles & coos, he laughs, she giggles - I love it} 3) Can ya tell they're related? 4) This is right after she rolled over onto her tummy for the first time! 5) One day at the park, she was so content & peaceful. 6) "Michael, you are handsome", "yep", "What does handsome mean?", "this!"-seriously, that was our conversation-is he like daddy or what ;) 7) Michael checking out the new backyard {photo taken through screen, windows not that dirty, not yet anyway} 8) Lydia playing in the exersaucer for the first time, Michael took a while to understand that it wasn't his toy anymore but now has fun playing with his sissy while she is in there.

Our Sunday

5 days and counting until we are in our new home and let me tell you - I am looking forward to having doors and walls again. So, I know I've been ranting about these doors and walls for quite a few posts now and whoever is reading this is probably thinking 'get over it already, it could be worse, find something else to talk about for crying out loud'. I understand the boredom of hearing about it over and over again but when you hear about my 'adventurous' night I'm sure you'll understand my incessant and relentless griping/whining/rant.

So it was a typical night of the kids finally being asleep around 10:00pm, I of course couldn't sleep until about 1:00 in the morning and Shawn was out by 11ish - fortunately for him he doesn't suffer from insomnia bouts like I do. (I don't know if it's technically insomnia but ever since I can remember I've had trouble sleeping. Just ask my sister. When we were shared a room we had bunk beds and after trying to sleep for what felt like forever to me (probably only about 5 minutes) I would lean over the bed and ask her if she was sleeping which she always was because - duh! her head did hit the pillow and for normal people I guess that's all it takes. Anyway, it used to bug her I guess because I would go on and on about how I couldn't sleep and ask her how she did it. It just wasn't fair.) Anyway, so I was finally asleep and sometime around 2 Lydia woke up wanting to nurse and snuggle (she's just so used to sleeping in bed with me) so I went back to sleep and by 3ish Michael was up whining about I still don't know what but he ended up in bed with me too. I didn't want him to wake up Shawn and wouldn't be able to sleep myself. Now, let me remind you that we have two full size beds in this room, by full I mean full - not queen (like we're used to). By 5ish Shawn was moving over to the empty bed because Michael had literally kicked him out. I'm not sure if there were feet swinging or anything but either way Shawn had a rude awakening from hitting the floor. I think Michael was up by 6 and wasn't planning on going back to sleep, I kept waking up every hour or so from him whining about one thing or another. Let's just say I'm glad he can get a banana on his own. (The kid has to learn to fend for er take care of himself at some point right?) See, if I had walls and doors we would have all had a full nights sleep and made it to church this morning.

Yes, another Sunday with no church. It's sad I know. We were fully planning on going to check out a church this morning but neither of us set our alarm because we figured the kids would have us up in plenty of time to go. Technically, okay, they did. However I don't count being woken up just about every hour as getting rest and when 7 rolled around I could hardly open my eyes to change Lydia's diaper let alone even consider getting up and ready to be around people. So we'll give it another go next Sunday. We did eventually get up and take a drive over to our house and the park nearby just for a break from the hotel room. But first I drove the car, yes the new car with a shiftstick and I didn't do too bad. It was only in the parking lot to start because I'm still so nervous to drive on the road with other vehicles and people waiting for me to figure out how not to stall at a red light. So I'll do that again soon. I did stall a few times but I also started and stopped the car 5 times in a row without stalling - yay me!

After that we took a drive (Shawn driving) over to peek in at the new house. The door ended up being unlocked so we took a full look inside. (Still not sure why the door was unlocked.) So the kitchen is pretty small but for it's size has decent counter space and a lot of cabinets including a deep pantry closet with shelves. So I can put dry food and stuff in there and still have space for the vacuum, broom & mop. There isn't a washer and dryer in there right now but there is space and hookups for one in the kitchen so I'm hoping they put those in or we'll have to look for some in the freebies or whatever they have out here. The kitchen is sorta 'L' shaped and you can walk into it when you turn left at the entryway and there's another opening to the dining/living room. There is a dishwasher which is exciting. The kitchen floor is linoleum. The rest of the downstairs of tile flooring, like you find at a grocery store, white with gray streaks. Not so attractive or nice to walk on so we'll be getting carpet for the living room. The living/dining area is really small. I'm still not sure how the furniture will fit in or what we'll need to get rid of. It's hard to picture it all so we'll just see when we get in and get everything moved in. Some bonuses are a lot of windows and good lighting and I have full view of the backyard when Michael is playing out there. Upstairs are three bedrooms and the bathroom and another closet. The kids' rooms are pretty small, Lydia will be in the smallest since she has less stuff and will be playing wherever I am most of the day. Michael's isn't too bad and they both have closets that are big enough for their needs. Plus each closet has extra storage space above the shelf they would be using that I can use for things like Christmas decorations and whatever else I don't need access too all the time. Our room is the largest of course but that's not saying much. I looked around the room and there was one small closet - even smaller than the one in Lydia's room. My jaw dropped and my mind was racing trying to figure out how in the world all of Shawn's uniforms and equipment would fit in there let alone my stuff (not that I have a lot of clothes or a huge shoe collection) or his civilian clothes. Then Shawn found the other closet behind the opened bedroom door - whew. So it's a his and hers thing, we still may have some issues with all of his stuff but we'll deal with it when the time comes. All of the floor upstairs are wood and the bathroom has nice looking linoleum. Oh and the closet space in there - wow. There is a linen closet plus a built in of cabinets. Overall the house will be great, we'll just need to do a few things like the carpet and maybe some window treatments. My only complaint is the small living room but we'll make do. Besides, this home is temporary. It was fun to get a look at the place.

After that we went to the great park which is just down the street and Michael had a lot of fun playing. There is so much space for him to run on and great things to do. I'll post some photos in the future when we are settled. We got a couple cold coffees at Starbucks while we were there. Then we came back home for naps and laundry. Of course the washers and dryers were full so I'm blogging instead. I'll have to check back on those. So anyway, that was our Sunday, so far anyway. I don't think we'll do much else today except get ready for the coming week. Hope you all enjoyed the sabbath and have a good evening.