One of Those Days

Several of you have left me sweet comments saying that you have thought about me at various times, usually after hearing news about the goings on in Iraq and several have also given me encouraging comments about how well I'm doing and how strong I am and you don't know how I do it. When people tell me they don't know how they do it, being a married single mom, I usually reply that I take things one day at a time and I just do it because, well I have to. There really isn't an option not to do 'it' unless I wanted us to starve and end up with no clothing in a dirty house and no social life. Obviously that's not really a choice. So I do it. But I don't always do it well or as well as I could.

Today was one of those days. It started out fine meeting up with some other wives for coffee, playing with the kids in the park and then running a couple of quick errands. And then I'm not sure what happened. Michael didn't take his nap {usually only does max of three days out of the week}, Lydia woke up early with an exploded diaper while I was chatting with the hubs online, three doorbell interruptions in the middle of all that, kids getting into things making more of a mess than there was and being behind on housework - all of it just seemed to pile on. I also realized in the middle of that that our registration on the vehicle I'm driving {other is on non op since I don't need two cars right now} has expired and I haven't received anything in the mail about it.

I was frustrated, overwhelmed, kicking myself for getting behind on various things and cramping - which never helps anything. Michael argued with me on everything he could, at least twice which upset me and 'bad mommy' guilt followed. Most of today was a day that I just try to get through each hour looking forward to the kids' bedtime and dreading it all at the same time because it means the house will be quiet & I would be 'alone'. It's a good time to get caught up around the house but also my time to relax and unwind. So for now that's what I'm doing, unwinding. The other stuff can wait.

Thanks for visiting. And I truly thank you all for your supportive & encouraging comments you often leave. Tomorrow will be a new day with a fresh start and I look forward to that.

They Should ALL Have An Off Switch

I've been at my parents house for over a week now and every morning my kids are up before the sun. We're talking between 5 & 5:30am folks. If you know me personally you know I am SO not the morning person - something my mom & I had in common. Even when the sun is up I would rather be sleeping. Of course I haven't had this kind of sleep for sometime now. Michael used to sleep in until 7/8 when he was Lydia's age and I really don't understand why she won't. So each day I've been more and more tired but still staying up late waiting to see if my hubby will be on the computer. This isn't good for a person's nerves, mood or immune system. Last night I was really seeing the affects not sleeping was having on me when I pooped out early scrapbooking. This is not me folks, I'm a night owl & have been known to stay up until the wee hours to scrap.

So around 5:20am when my daughter was screaming & my son {who had snuck into my bed} was covering his ears saying "mommy sissy's frying" - meaning crying {like I didn't know} I decided that was the end of early morning wake ups or stay ups at least. I got her out of the crib, changed her diaper, put her back in the crib, went downstairs to get her milk & after giving her the milk grabbed a blanket & Michael and said "good night" shutting the door behind me. I then told Michael to go back to the bed he was supposed to be sleeping in and lay down or read a book until the sun came up or I told him he could get up. I took my blanket downstairs, turned on the fireplace {literally, with a switch on the wall} and layed down on the couch.

I was feeling pretty good about my decision and hoping to fall back asleep quickly - I have always had issues with getting back to sleep after waking up. On my way to the couch from the fireplace I tripped over one of those floor toys that light up & make sounds, couldn't find the off switch - only volume control and stuck it over in a corner. I waited 5 minutes before the music stopped. The toy was mocking me in it's circus like tune "you thought you were going to sleep, but you're not, ha ha ha" and each time the songs {read: torture} would stop it really was just a pause and some other tune would start. Eventually I did fall asleep but it was broken sleep and after waking up I realized I should have tossed it in the closet. My dad said he would have thrown it outside. Oh and I did find an off switch, on the front of the toy - I had only looked on the back.

So it's up to you. What should have an off switch? Our children or their toys? I think at least kids should have a sleep timer and none should wake before 7am {and even that's early} unless of course you are up early and want chores started when the rooster crows. By the way, as the toy was taunting me and keeping me awake I was thinking about a title for this post.

Obediance Training

I'm starting to hit the wall with this deployment. It's been about two months since hubby left and I am ready for him to come home. Unfortunately as you can see in the ticker on my sidebar I've still got quite a bit of time until he's back, and that is only for his two week R&R. Most things aren't such a big deal, I'm used to taking care of housework on my own and am getting help with things like yard work when needed {like when it took me two hours to mow half the lawn because the mower kept stopping on me and I was this close to smashing the mower to bits}.

One thing that I {and the kids I'm sure} am having trouble adjusting to is Shawn not coming home in the evenings, lunch breaks or being home on the weekends. Each day around dinner time is the most challenging. Both kids want my attention, we're all hungry & I'm usually trying to figure out what to make at 5:00 rather than already having it planned out or using the crock pot. It's not such a pretty sight. The other day I had to take Lydia to the doctor for her check up and long story short we were there over an hour {before we saw the doctor} and it ended with two of us in tears - Lydia got her shots and I was losing my mind. Did I mention that the doctor threatened to report me to Social Services if I delayed getting her shots? I wish I were joking. I'm not talking about my refusing to ever give my daughter shots, {though a parent can delay shots for a couple of years or until the child starts daycare/school} only putting it off a week or two because like I said we were there for over an hour. Michael wasn't listening to me, both kids were getting tired, I was already tired & not feeling well and just wanted to go home.

After getting home & putting the kids down for a nap {which is a crapshoot with Michael these days} I was thinking that they should have obedience training, but for kids. You know, like you bring your dog in and the trainer teaches them basic commands like sit, stay, speak, roll over, etc.? Like that but with kids and a trainer teaching them basic commands like no, sit, stay, sleep, pick up your toys, eat your dinner, etc. And then it hit me - I'm the trainer. Well technically my husband & I are the trainers, it's a team effort and let me tell you, I miss my teammate. I miss the kids playing with him while I cook dinner, I miss the way Michael immediately follows instruction while it takes him 2 hours to pick up his toys when I ask. With me everything is a fight - I find myself either negotiating with my three year old or turning into 'mean mommy' {I hate being mean mommy} all too often.

Don't get me wrong, I love my kids and all that comes with being a mommy {well except stuff like getting boogers wiped on my clothes} . But it's very hard without the daddy around. I have a great respect for single moms who do this day in & day out without having a 'return date' to look at least forward to. Being a married single mom is a season in my life and I believe the Lord will use it to teach & grow me - I just wish there could be less growing pains in the process.

Thanks for visiting & 'listening',

♥

All Too Familiar

So I could gripe talk about how far beyond frustrated I am that the housing office called me up today letting me know that my moving dates have been pushed up because it doesn't work with their schedule. I guess the manager decided to pull a redo or do-over on an appointment I personally saw her authorize. This means I'll be getting my keys on Thursday, as in 3 days from now, and I don't have any boxes packed yet, well aside from things like Christmas decorations but that's been packed since well after last Christmas. The kids & I were sick over the weekend so I hardly got housework done let alone packing. The cold/allergies/whatever it was kicked my butt and I was so tired. Not sleeping well at night hasn't helped.

Or I could whine talk about how much I miss my husband because he would have no problem calling up a few guys to get help moving. I did call Rear D and I'll get some help, it's just hard to pinpoint a time and guarantee a day with them. He would probably also know how to take down these stupid blinds so I can wash them - yes, washing blinds in a house that will be getting renovated, even downstairs where there will be drywall dust messing them up again. :/ This would all be so much easier with his help.

This won't focus on either of those things though. Something happened yesterday that hit me harder than frustration with housing offices and the realities of my hubby's absence. My neighbor's mother died today. At first I was numb, sad for her but distracted with watching the children and attempting to clean - which by the way doesn't fair so well with 3 kids ages 3 and under if you were wondering. Her husband had come over a couple times to check on their daughter but when she came over and we started talking we were both in tears. Her mother died from an accidental overdose of some type of pain pill(s). I don't know of the details and really they don't matter. Her mom had struggled with an addiction, still loved and cared for her family and now she is gone. It was all too familiar. I shared a quick version of my story with her so she would know that I understood what she was going through and she could talk to me, passed along some advice that I received from friends at the beginning of my grieving process and listened to her. She was going to be picking up her mom from the airport today and she was going to be staying for a while to help with the new baby, did I mention she's due to have a C-Section in less than three weeks? So she can't even go back home for the funeral, my neighbor is from California also. Actually, she's from the same town I started out in. She is younger than I am, will soon have two small children, her husband will be deploying in a month and she's just lost her mom. My heart aches for her and though I am glad I was able to be there for her, I wish it was only to watch her daughter. How I wish I couldn't relate so much to her situation. How I wish my mom were out here to help me pack and get things taken care of, she'd be all over it - half my house would probably be packed by now.

So here I am missing my husband and my mom, wanting to just grieve and do nothing but love on my kids but I have a house to pack and move. And a neighbor who has become a friend to help. Life goes on even when it doesn't.

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Am I Missing Something?

So this may just be my naive unaware only lived in one state narrow minded view of things but it's summer so it's hot & it doesn't rain right? The "doesn't rain" part surely comes from my being raised in sunny California where you can pretty well predict the weather most times of the year without going to weather predicting school or wherever it is that the weather people learn their stuff. Out here in Kentucky I guess things may be different during the summer. We haven't had a thunderstorm for well over a month now, the one little sporadic one we had was too puny to count for anything. And the temperatures are rising. It is supposed to be 105* today. Again, coming from sunny California not so rare but out here people seem more surprised.

Back home when it was hot out we'd cool down at the pool, play in the sprinklers or make a slip & slide {plus the grass would get watered - bonus!} or go to a local water park. Because you know, it's summer and hot and that's just what you do. What happened here when it got hot & wasn't raining? They shut down the splash park by my house so now I can't take the kids to cool down and have some fun in the hot weather. I realize that droughts happen. I remember when I was about 7 or 8 and my parents had to wash the cars on the sidewalks to save water by using it for the lawn at the same time. Because of the no rain issue we can't water our lawns or wash our cars. I hadn't been doing either so no big deal, but no splash park? Meanwhile some businesses have pretty green lawns that people don't even walk on so what's up with that?

This morning when I woke up at 5:00 in the morning to take hubby to work it was already 75* in my house, by 9:00 it was 80*. I called up maintenance to send someone out to fix the problem. After answering all of their questions - are your exterior doors closed? {seriously, you think I'd call about my house being hot and open my doors to the warm outside air?} etc. Then I was asked if it was the fan or the outside unit that was not working. The outside unit wasn't turning on at all and the fan was blowing out warm air. So they say that someone will be out in the next 24 hours. I told her it was supposed to be 105* today and I didn't want my kids napping in 90* temps, or more since the upstairs is always warmer. I also explained that this was not the first problem we've had with the unit. The response I got? "You are lucky, some people's units aren't working at all." Huh?! So I should be so lucky & grateful that I've got warm air blowing out of my fan rather than nothing at all? I turned off the fan because the warm air made it worse. My situation was the same as everyone else whose units weren't working. Maybe if so many people have problems with their air conditioners they aught to install units that are a little newer and work better?

Like I said, I'm sure that this is my naive unaware only lived in one state narrow minded view of things but that doesn't make it less frustrating. Sorry for the vent, thanks for listening.

How is summer weather where you live? And how do you cope with frustrations that come along with that weather?

♥

I'll Take Care of It....tomorrow

Hello, my name is Rebecca & I'm a procrastinator. They say admitting your problem is the first step right? So what's the second step? Probably something to do with changing the problem. Though I procrastinate with just about everything so I'd need quite a few steps to change that. My grocery shopping gets done when I'm completely out of the basics, laundry often is washed when I run out of clean shirts, I clean the house last minute before hubby gets home, fill up the gas tank when the light comes on, etc.

And so here it is about 7:00am Tuesday morning I leave for the airport in 8 hours and not one bag is packed. 8 hours, that's plenty of time you say? And to that I say ha! Do you really think that the only thing I have left to do today is pack my bags? If so go reread the first paragraph. Finished? K. So like I said 8 hours. What's left to do you wonder? Well for one all three of us need to bathe & get dressed, diaper bag needs to be packed, purse needs to be packed, bags as mentioned need to be packed, I have to put our mail on hold at the Post Office, pick up Lydia's prescription {rash cream} & clean the house so hubby doesn't come home to a disaster area. All while changing diapers, nursing a baby, making food for the boy & trying to remember everything I need to bring. I can see myself on the plane halfway to California & realizing I forgot my bridesmaid dress or shoes or something important like that.

And now I must go. After reading that list of things my mind is racing so I need to start doing & not just listing. I'm a great lister, not always a great doer. I'll be back in two weeks with lots of photos & fun stories to share. Thanks for the visit & take care!

Update: It's now 2:00pm, errands were made, bags packed & put in the car and the house is clean enough for hubby {& myself when I get back}. That means I have almost 2 hours to not stress, that'll be new for the day. :P

Car Hurt

That was Michael's reaction to seeing my car after the accident.

First let me say that we are all okay. My back is a little sore and my ego/pride bruised but the kids are fine and my injuries aren't serious. Michael slept through the whole thing in fact. So I don't want to get into the details of the accident but it was my fault. Let's just say it involved a one way street, a left turn, and a wrong lane. There was only one other car involved and the driver of that vehicle was okay, rude but not injured. I understand that he was upset & surprised but I really don't think that made it okay for him to start yelling at me as soon as I stepped out of my car. Later he apologized 'if' he yelled at me - LAME. **Apologies that include the words if or but are not apologies at all.** So yeah, car hurt. We came home and Michael pointed at the space on the car where the bumper should be and says "Mommy, car hurt, fix it."

I know that 'at least everyone is okay' and 'it could have been worse' but the timing just really sucks. Not to say that there is a good time to have an accident but we're already straining financially and have to buy plane tickets back home to California for my sister's wedding - which I'm not missing no matter what. So it's another thing to add to the stress factor around here. Ugh. Fortunately it wasn't as bad as it could have been, not just the accident but dealing with it afterward. The MP (military police) that showed up was very nice and helped me out as much as he could. I think he felt bad for me because I was crying, had the two kids with me and realized that I really thought I wasn't doing anything wrong. Shawn came over after I called him and helped hold Lydia while I was filling out paperwork. His LT (lieutenant) showed up to make sure we were alright and followed us home with our bumper in tow - we couldn't fit it in our car. So until we come up with the money for the deductible to make repairs on my poor little car I'll be driving the Pathfinder - good thing we didn't sell it yet. I'm sad to lose my Altima, such a cute little car. Oh well, it shouldn't take too long to get the repairs done. Thanks for visiting and drive safely.

Let's Get Real

So I'm at a loss of words. There hasn't been much excitement to post about. My grand ideas of finishing up the downstairs remained just that - ideas. I've noticed something about myself lately and I'm not sure that I like it much. I guess knowing your problem or whatever you don't like is & admitting it is half the battle. So here goes - I'm quite lazy & I'm all talk. My flesh wants to justify itself right now by saying 'the kids take so much time, you are tired, etc' and while these things may be true I don't do as much as I think about doing. I will sit & write up lists of things to do (so I actually type them up on a word document and no I don't print it out) and lately I've been thinking of how I can better schedule my day. So I have my lists & my thoughts but when it comes down to it I don't do a thing. I have done some work around the house like I've talked about in earlier posts but I haven't done nearly as much as I could have. For anyone who's thinking, oh she's being too hard on herself & she's got so much going on right now. True, I do tend to give myself a hard time and there is a lot going on right now, and I've been under various emotional stress. But still, I need to just work through it already. I think I've been hanging onto my emotional 'baggage' as a reason to not do anything. Not to say I don't ever deserve a break but my break vs work ratio has been out of balance lately. And I hate to say it but I think this blog is partly to blame. Oh how I love to write about the days events, stories of the kids, random thoughts & post pictures. And even more I enjoy reading up on all my favorite blogs and exploring to find new ones. Don't worry, this isn't my final blog or anything - are you kidding I've got ideas for this thing - but I will need to limit my time spent on my computer. Ah, I feel better somehow. I don't know I guess in a way this seems like some kind of accountability for me. Changes that I need to make are no longer just in my thoughts but out here in cyberspace for this whole blogosphere to see if they so desired. So, if it sounds like I'm being a little lazy - call me out on it. But be nice, cuz I am going through stuff. If I don't post about the progress of my house for a few days ask me how its going. I'll either tell you what I've done or say 'ok, you caught me'. Thanks for the visit & stay tuned for my progress.

Why I Don't Like Stairs (mine anyway)

When I was younger I thought it would be so much fun to live in a house with stairs. I had fun sliding down them, even though we weren't supposed to. Funny how things change as we grow up.

There they are. My stairs. After all these years I have a set of my own stairs leading to the second story of our house. Yay. Can you tell my excitement? I hope so. I really do. They sit there all day taunting me. Knowing I will have to walk up & down them at least 243,495 times a day. Yes a day. It's amazing really. Who needs to go to the gym when you have your own stair master at home? I could really get a good exercise regimen going. I could. But I'm sure I won't. So I'm sure you're sitting there reading this thinking "Stairs? Is that all she's got today? What's it going to be tomorrow doorknobs?" Well, yes, stairs. At the end of reading this you may or may not find it all that interesting but I've had this blog playing in my mind almost everyday since I moved in. You thought I was joking when I talked about thinking in blog didn't you? Well, I wasn't - I really do have a problem.

Ten Reasons Why I Don't Like My Stairs [in no particular order]:

10] The fourth step up on the second flight has a gash in the rubber that I trip on more frequently than I care to.

9] I have to go upstairs every time I need to use the bathroom since that is where our one and only bathroom is.

8] I have to carry laundry, toys, cleaning supplies, Shawn's military stuff & whatever else needs to go into the bathroom, bedrooms or extra closet (military closet).

7] I use the bathroom at least 20 times a day (or so it seems) so my restroom trips alone is its own workout.

6] I don't like or enjoy working out in the least.

5] I ran into the handrail of the stairs so hard it left a gross & painful bruise on my thigh that is starting to look like mold on my leg so I guess that means it's getting better. (see below)

4] I slipped going up the stairs one night and when trying to catch myself slammed my hand, just below my thumb, on the corner of said handrail and it still hurts while I'm typing this. (no bruise so no photo)

3] My baby is going to be learning to walk in the next few months & I don't want her anywhere near the stairs of doom. (Fortunately Michael does very well with holding onto the railing while going up & down.)

2] They have an ugly paint splattered black rubber covering on them which while making them easier to clean (except for paint splotches) also makes them very slick hence all the slipping.

1] When my cell is downstairs and I happen to be upstairs I miss over half my phone calls because a) I can't hear the phone ring or b) I can't get to it in time without risking another injury.

Ah, it is done. Now maybe I can walk up said evil stairs without thinking of all the things I can't stand about them for this blog. I'm sure there are more reasons I'll run into later but you get the idea.

I'd rather be here...

I have the blahs, in a rut, bored out of my mind. If I worked at Initech people would be saying "looks like someone has a case of the Mondays." Does that still work even if it's Wednesday? I think so. **sidenote: if you can quote the movie you'll win a prize** So yes, I'm feeling a little down. I know I've been a little gripey lately and I know things could be worse, like we could be in this hotel even longer than we are, or it could be smaller or something else bad - but this is where I'm at and how I'm feeling at the moment. Doesn't this look like a place you'd want to be at though? Its a photo taken in St. Lucia, my friend sent me some pics from her honeymoon last October. It's just too pretty a place not to want to visit. I'd like to be floating around on a little raft with a shade umbrella and a lounge chair sipping a strawberry daquari (sp?) and eating fresh fruit with chocolate fondue. Hmm...I don't think thats even possible but who cares its my fantasy right now. Anyways things aren't all that bad I guess just getting very old and mundain. I should have something interesting to blog about later - I'm going to learn how to drive a stick today. Yes, me behind the wheel shifting gears. I tried this once when I was learning how to drive on my dads pretty new Saturn. Lets just say my dad didn't want to totally ruin his clutch so it was just the one time, maybe two. I would have been perfectly content driving an automatic the rest of my life - much easier to talk on the phone while eating and applying make up ;) but Shawn bought a new car (2005 Altima with only 300 miles - score!) and it's a stick. So now I finally get a little four door with a radio and working conditioner - yay! And it's great on gas so that's a bonus. Well, I can't think of much else to talk about at this point. I need to change a diaper and clean up this room which will just get cluttered again but oh well, gives me something to do right? Talk to you later.

a mom's rant and search for help

Okay, so am I the only mom who wants to just get away for a day - no diapers, no sippy cups, no nursing, no baths, no park, no nothing but whatever I feel like. I can't be because my life is probably not much different than other stay at home moms out there. Don't get me wrong, I love being a sahm and the precious time I get to spend with my kids; teaching them, loving them, encouraging them. But to have a day that I can sleep in, lounge, go out (without it taking at least 30 min to get out the door), shop without little hands reaching at everything and little feet running a muck. Then the guilt creeps in, feeling like a bad mommy because I'm complaining about my little blessings. I guess our current living situation has just heightened everything and made me more aware of some stuff. It doesn't help that Shawn already knows people and has friends to hang out with, glad for him - stinks for me. How I miss being able to call a friend to meet at the park, grab lunch or just go hang out. Any prayers on this area would be much appreciated. I know God has placed us here for a reason and I've had ideas about my purpose in this place but it's hard to see the promised land when you're stuck on the other side of the mountain (does that make sense?). Anyway, I'd appreciate the prayer.

Thanks for letting me rant a little and exhale, let it go. That's a little odd isn't it? I'm thanking you for letting me rant when you really had no choice. You clicked on a link, typed in a website or just stumbled upon here without any warning of my mood or thoughts. I guess I should say thanks for reading/listening.

Anyway, we have hit a milestone for little Mikey today - he has shown true interest to take care of business. He absolutely does not like sitting on the toilet though so I don't know whats going to happen come poo poo time. As it is we have to get a little stool so he can stand at the toilet for pee pee. I've thought of getting one of those little seat covers that make the hole smaller (so his skinny buns don't fall in) but that doesn't help with the height issue. And I've got no idea what the bathroom looks like or how much space we'll have for a stool & seat cover...alas I may have to cave in and get a wretched interest in using the poddy. While he is still learning the difference between "feeling like you have to go pee pee" and "mommy saying 'let me know when you have to go pee pee' " - he's at least interested. When the last of his diapers run out we're getting pull ups so it will be easier for him to bolt to the poddypoddy training seat. I think they are disgusting and have been dreading the thought of cleaning one of those things out, it getting knocked over all over the floor, or worse - Lydia making a new discovery when she starts to crawl. (Yuck!!) My best hope is that Michael grows taller and gets over the fear of the toilet seat within 3-5 months. (I think that's about when she'll be crawling - can't remember how old Michael was when he did at the moment) So if any of you have poddy trained a boy or a girl for that matter (boys sit half the time too) I would appreciate suggestions. I'm sitting here wondering, when do we start putting underwear on him? How many extra sheets should I buy? How many spare pants and underwear should I keep handy in the car? How does the car seat come apart to give a thorough cleaning? What signs do I look for (beside poddy dance) that he has to go so I can help remind him? And so on... So like I said, any suggestions would be helpful.

I think that's about it for today. I think Michael is finally really sleeping so I can have some ice-cream without having to tell him I'm not sharing. (If I can't get a day off I'll at least enjoy my ice-cream in peace) : )

Thanks for the visit.